Teen Gothic

I hope this is okay to post here. It’s a bit lengthy. I guess I’m just trying to feel out other’s opinions.

I was heavily into alt music and fashion from ages 12-22, when I got my first “real” corp job that wasn’t just piercing other kid’s noses and tongues in a shop at the mall like I’d been doing up until that point. 22-27 were really fucking rough years for me mentally. I was surrounded by a totally different type of people and felt like I was fighting a constant losing battle trying to fit in with them and do well at this job and be liked, even though I didn’t like them very much or feel like my values aligned even loosely with theirs. I’d dress the part to fit in, but I’ve always been into the same music and movies and interests, so people always approached it as a quirk, or something to be humoured.

Then the pandemic hit and things took an even more significant nosedive, to the point where I was so miserable I knew I needed to change something. I quit that job, started studying again and got help with my mental health. Now, nearly three years later, I’m starting to feel like myself again. I stopped covering up my tattoos. I started wearing makeup for fun again. Earlier this year, I went to a concert for the first time in nearly a decade. I’ve been to four more since. The joy and validation I’ve been feeling is unmatched.

But I’m getting a few weird reactions from people. My husband’s family, who’ve only known me in the last six-ish years, think I’m going through a midlife crisis (I’m only thirty, lol). One of my old co-workers made a snide comment when I bumped into her a few weeks back (“I thought you grew out of that?”). It shouldn’t (doesn’t!) matter. But it does make me wonder whether other people in the community are thinking similar thoughts, and it’s made me feel a bit embarrassed about going to clubs or other concerts in case I see people I know and they assume the same: I’m pathetically trying to recapture my youth, or I don’t really belong because I totally sold out for those years, even though they were the hardest years of my life.

Has anyone else here had this experience? Am I totally overthinking this? Does anybody even care about this kind of shit? Was my semi-social anxiety-induced panic attack at the Drab Majesty show warranted? Lol.