Posts Tagged ‘peace.’

My family has difficulties accepting that I’m goth as an adult, and I’m thinking of giving up what I love to keep the peace.

Hello! I’ve (23F) been goth for a while now, but recently started to dress more extreme as I’m in love with the music and subculture. I come from a very conservative household that is Catholic and I value my parents opinions of me highly. I am always getting compliments on my look when I’m out and I don’t wear any pentagrams or anything my family could object to.

I am home for some of the summer and my family was invited to an outdoor bbq, to which I was excited bc I love dressing up. I was planning to wear something without fishnets or platform shoes so I wouldn’t look so extreme, but I wanted to wear black lipstick. My mom objected to it saying I’d look like a satanist, and I’m much prettier without black lipstick. I got upset because she knows me, I may not be Catholic anymore but I am not satanic and have explained that the subculture revolves around the music. I can’t remember much bc she was trying to discuss this with me as I was just coming out of anesthesia for surgery.

I was frustrated because I am a successful college student who doesn’t party or do drugs, and I’m graduating next month with cum laude from a stem major. For graduation pictures, I compromised my look because she said it made HER uncomfortable (i.e. no black lipstick, etc.) I said if I wear black lipstick and look like myself at this party (which is what I’m most comfortable wit),, I am more than happy to educate and de-stigmatized the negative perception surrounding the goth subculture. But it doesn’t seems like enough and no matter what I do she’s unhappy.

I want to be approved by my family but I’m having a tough time because being goth and dressing gothic is what brings me happiness as it is a hobby/interest. I am thinking of giving everything up entirely though because the way my family treats me is becoming unbearable and it upsets me greatly. My mom has told me she doesn’t want my 12 year old sister to “turn out like me,” and I’m not allowed to talk about the subculture with her. From what I know my sister looks up to me and thinks I’m cool.

My mom has also told me to walk far behind her in grocery stores before because I am “embarrassing,” and she feels like “a failure as a parent.” When I bring these points up now she says “I didn’t say that!,” or “you’re remembering wrong!” She’s told me that I’m going to have a hard time finding a guy who won’t fetishize me.

I am an active member of the goth scene and I love going out to goth clubs occasionally so I can share my passion. Everyone I’ve met is so incredibly caring and nice and I love the goth community. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice? That would be very much appreciated xx🦇🖤

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