Teen Gothic

So, the first time I heard goth music, was in 2011. It was like a sudden kick in stomach. Like magic. Like a lightning strike. Like an orgasm. It was so good, it became the main genre I used to listen to for next several years. I used to know many bands, old, new, famous, obscure, in different languages etc. It inspired me to write poetry. Whenever I listened to it, it would make me feel great.

Than a <mental illness> happened and I did a break.

Now I'm trying to return into listening goth music agaim and while I still like it, it's not THE MUSIC anymore. It's just good. One of the many other good music genres. Not the OH MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD I WANT TO LISTEN TO IT FOR THE ETERNITY music it used to be for me. And it makes me sad. Its like the fairytale has gone. Is there any way I can bring back those feelings and emotions?

*by goth music I mostly mean goth rock,but I enjoy deathrock sometimes too