Teen Gothic

I “dress” goth for work why the fuck not, right? Well, I need help learning how to UNtease my hair without (what feels like) losing half of my hair! I have super super long hair (down to my butt) so it takes a LOT of teasing to do for my hair, but brushing it out and washing it hurts so much and my hands end up sore. Is there a safe way to do this? Is my hair just too long?