Teen Gothic

Wow, seeing that old Siouxsie & the Banshees on YouTube started giving me memories on how grateful I am to Robert Smith. I don't think he would ever realize just how much he has changed my life. I literally would be so lost in life without his influence.

I first picked up the guitar because of Robert Smith. I was so inspired by how he is able to turn such deep, profound and sometimes even dark feelings into a beautiful canvas of lush symphonies of ethereal tone that is so extraordinarily beautiful to listen to. I wanted to reproduce that art for myself, also so he inspired me to learn the guitar.

Fast forward about 3 years and I got heavy into the classical guitar because of the same thirst to seek beauty in tone. What got me heavy into it was when I bought a cheap 3$ classical guitar album with someone playing the Six Suites for Unaccompanied Violincello transcribed onto guitar. I was like, what the heck, it's only 3$ and I do need to listen to as many types of guitar music if I am ever going to master this instrument. I swear they actually sound better on the guitar then it does on the cello as if it was meant to be composed for the instrument. Bach is known to be so mathematically precise his melodies and harmonies. I listened to it stoned once and I swear I heard 5 different melodies I didn't hear before and a very complicated bass line to go with it. I swore that I would one day be able to play that entire album, which consists of Suite I and III BWV1007 and BWV1009 if you are ever curious on listening or learning it, and I learned both suites within a year because I was so motivated and practiced 12 hours a day to learn it!

Anyone else had his/her life changed and defined by listening to a similar artist?

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An old postcard that I saved! Sweet, beautiful guitar that he probably painted himself.

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I would have never intimately known the beauty of Clarita, my guitar, if it wasn't for the extraordinary man above.

Since I get to know about this subculture, I'm almost in good terms with myself. Its the first time in my life that I'm actually embracing myself and my likes. Its the first time I actually feel good with myself and my home (since I am able to decorate it the way I like) I was always called a psychopath and crazy for obsessing over anime characters like Jeff the Killer or Isaac Foster (there actually quite goth like… 🫣🖤) or for having a sweet spot for the dark, horror and obscure. It came mostly from my toxic mother and I believed her. I was always different from the others and never fit in (trust me. I'd tried as hard I could and tried to be as normal as possible. It only made me depressive.) I almost lost my mind and my life too. The music and subculture found me and saved me and is teaching me to embrace myself. Since I know about people who are just like me, I start to like myself. I still have a long way ahead but with this, It might be not as hard as I thought so.

It was a confusing time for me. I kept having doubts about my career, about my creative aspirations, about my identity.

Hello. I (23) don't consider myself goth. I love Max Richter, Viktor Tsoi, Leonard Cohen, Beethoven, Lord Huron, Low Roar. I also love Dead Can Dance and Diary of Dreams. What put me off a bit from the scene was the constant "that's not goth" comments, so I didn't even know if I like goth. Like, sure, darkwave, yeah, post-punk. But apart from, what, two Sisters of Mercy songs, what is truly goth that I hear?

I do not look goth either. Well, I can a bit, but you know. I'm a person that hesitates to be a part of something. I could never call myself "gothic", or a hippie or something. And there aren't many gothic clubs in Bavaria, Germany at all, so how to, well, find one?

Truth be told, anxiety kicked in. Haven't been in a club ever since my alternative small club closed its gates because people don't want live bands and table football, they want techno (T_T). So…. my grand return. Alone now, because the old circle is… died with the club, and I don't know anyone who heard goth. I did have an acquaintance who worked at the goth place, but she passed away with 17 because life doesn't give a fuck.

Dear God how happy I felt. I never liked techno, I want to dance to other stuff, more lowkey or more melodic. 90s parties, sure, some EDM and goa, ok, but never in my whole club life, and I mean never in my whole ass club life that consisted of being a barkeeper, did I feel like 99% of all the songs played were slapping hard. The people were gorgeous, and it was actual dancing. Like, yeah, free-flowing club style, but there was such a beautiful back and forth on the floor that I felt like I'm dancing with people, not on my own, even though there was much more distance.

I just wish I would have talked to more than this one guy. But it's hard. They're all in groups, and the ones alone seem like they don't wanna talk (but I was very conscious that I must seem the same). When a guy approached me to ask if all is fine because I just sat there, tired from all the dancing (but not shy per se, I'm not ruining my vibe heh), I decided to approach three people and got some club recommendations. The guy… he was nice. Now I know someone in the club. Next time, one more, and one more. I fucking love building up clusters. If only the club was opened more than once a month.

Because you know damn well I won't be missing any of the black nights from now on. Dancing has never been so exhilarating in a club. I'll go alone until I got to know the whole damn club if that is what it takes. I am primarily there to dance, after all, what with that fucking GOOD MUSIC AHHH. Fucking hell.

I'll definitely get some more gothic fashion. I always wanted to, but it felt weirdly appropriating because I didn't listen to the music (tho turns out, I listen to quite a lot of gothic club music). At the same time, I'm in love with the aesthetics, and my favorite writer is Edgar Allan Poe. Somehow seeing all these people rocking these styles, and also the people who just went there casual and gave no fucks, gave me the self-confidence that I needed to take a step in the direction of wearing what I want to wear. Well, granted, fashion is one of the main reasons why I wish to be a woman but it is what it is. I'll make due, hehe.

Anyway. Next time I might take a friend with me, with the warning that I'll stay till closing time (4am because Southern Germany is anti-Berlin lol) and that they'll have to go home on their own if they want to go earlier. This moment feels so important. It's like I found a massive fragment of my soul right there in this hall. I felt understood even. So yeah, I love you all.

Does anyone else have songs or bands you disliked your first few playthroughs, but you came back to later and now it either gives you chills or you have it on repeat. For me a lot of Sex Gang Children's stuff I wasn't a huge fan of years ago, but I came across Saraband for Dead Lovers and now I'm starting to get into their stuff more especially the album Bastard Art!. Also didn't care for the song Celebrity Gala by Les Fleur Du Mal even though I love their other stuff, but came back to it and have started to really enjoy it. Curious what songs/bands others may have like this if any.

In 1989, I was a 14yr old kid and really fancied this girl in another school, who was into The Cure. After weeks of barely speaking to her, I went and bought Disintegration, in the hope of having something in common. I listened to it over and over. Soon after, without plucking up the courage to speak to her, her family moved to a different city and I never saw her again. But the music stuck with me. Within the next 3 years, I had all albums by The Cure and had seen them live twice. Quite a superficial way to get into the music but I found my home.