Teen Gothic

I do apologize for using a throwaway 'cause I don't feel quite comfortable revealing myself and admitting what's been troubling me, But that said, given the nature of what I'm gonna share as well as me every so often mentioning a non-Goth culture for context I think it is more than fair for the mods to delete this post if they believe it doesn't belong here. I don't got a lot of people to talk about this though, so I'm just gonna give it a try.

Simply put, I love Goth music. And I've loved it for over ten years. Started when I was about 14 when I got into Fields of the Nephilim. Afterwards it was especially stuff from the 90s and early 2000s that I liked. Switchblade Symphony, Shadow Dance, Diva Destruction to name a few. Lately I've been getting into newer stuff which I admit passed me by before. I really like Lebanon Hanover and Nox Novacula.

But I also love and consider myself part of another culture which is Metal. Sure, hardly uncommon, y'all probably get like a million threads a day of a Metalhead asking for recommendations on Goth music or someone mistaking Gothic Metal for Goth. I have been a fan of Metal since I was 11. I'm 26 now. Been a fan of Metal even a bit longer than I've been a fan of Goth and Darkwave.

I got a circle of people from various subcultures. My best friend who I'd do anything for loves rap music. We grew up together. My girlfriend's into Industrial and EBM, cyberfalls, gasmask and all, but she likes Metal too, she's a lot more extroverted than I am. And I know Goths, of course. Have never had the chance to a Goth club though. There's a Metal pub here and that's where a lot of alternative folks in general go to. A Goth club just ain't there where I live and I ain't got the money to travel. Nevermind that I'm just shy so it's funny I suppose that I feel more intimidated than I do visiting a pub full of aging biker dudes.

But I just don't know anymore if I still have ''the right'' to consider myself associated with Goth culture. I constantly hear stories of animosity between Goths and Metalheads that discourages me and at times makes me feel like I'm intruding. The stories I hear of some Metalheads just showing up bullying people 'cause they ain't like them sickens me. And I don't want other Goths to see me, knowing that I got those same roots and feel intimidated by me. I don't wanna be that guy. Bad experiences are as valid as good experiences and I know that me saying ''there's good ones'' doesn't sound as sincere over the internet.

Where I live we all get along swimmingly. Most respect and appreciate eachother regardless of whether you're a Metalhead, Goth, Punk or whatever and those who ain't are out. We got a zero tolerance mind on that here. But maybe I'm just lucky to be in such an environment.

I'm not gonna dismiss people's experiences just 'cause my own were better. The things I've heard about what some tryhard windmill mcdumbfucks have done because they're so obsessed with their own tribe bothers me immensely. It's the kind of toxicity in my culture that I've brawled with the moment I've called myself a part of that culture. I know a lot of people who think the same.

There's this guy who got me into it when I was a kid, much older, was a friend of my mother, played ping pong with me to make me feel at ease. I don't even remember his name, took his life later but he gave me the keys to a community I could feel myself in back when I was just a little kid. I'm forever grateful for that.

But that culture can be very extroverted and overpowering you know? Great people but I just ain't always got the mental energy to keep up. It's like that pushy friend you love but you gotta have some space.

Through Goth music I've always felt there was a culture that's a bit more aware of my personal space and limits. No pressure, no feeling of having to prove something other than me liking the music. I'm the kinda guy who just likes to sit at the bar and have a chat with people. Have a drink or two and then go on my merry way.

But lately I just can't get over what I'm told. Goths telling me about the time metalheads came to bully them. The stories of toxic masculinity, homophobia, sexism and excessive tribalism. I can't stand people who do such things, but y'all know the meaning of the term ''rotten apples spoil the bunch'' right? Well I'm part of the bunch so inevitably I'm associated with such asshats. And knowing that, I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable and I certainly understand why there might be some Goth individuals who just feel like people with a Metal background don't belong even if they like Goth music. I might not agree but I understand how those feelings rise.

It makes me feel like it ain't my place to call myself associated with Goth culture. I've been calling out the BS in my own culture as much as I call out BS anywhere else. I've called out that ''When I zone out I see red'' Metalhead who went into the moshpit just to beat people up. And I've called out a Goth I knew who was let's just say more than a little racist. That's just a matter of values. Didn't think of what subculture they're from.

But I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable is all. I suppose I can get over a Goth not considering me a Goth 'cause I'm also a Metalhead. But I can't get over feeling like I'm intimidating people 'cause of my cultural background. I'm a pretty ''masculine'' person of the healthy variety, especially in appearance I'd say. Knowing the hypermasculine roots of Metal I know it leave an impression. I also know that such an impression isn't always a good one and I wanna do my best to alleviate those impressions not just 'cause I feel like I gotta play janitor and clean up the toxicity but also a matter of personal values.I just hear these stories so often there are times where I feel like maybe it just ain't my right to be there. I ain't saying I'm giving up on making my culture a more inclusive and welcoming environment, and I'm sure as hell not alone on that. I'm just saying that I don't wanna intrude. I'm a broken record at this but like I said; I don't wanna make people uncomfortable

I don't know if I still consider myself a Goth but I love the music, always will. And I respect Goths a great deal. That won't change.

i adore goth love songs and would love some recommendations

Such a romantic song! 🥰🥰🥰 Thoughts?

for me, it's swedish post-punk duo "dial m for murder!". they released 1 awesome album in 2009, but seems to have fallen into obscurity, unfortunately.

Not the first goth song you heard but the song that made you realize that you might be goth. I want to check your songs out. Been needing something to listen to that I may not have heard before.

Hello! I’ve (23F) been goth for a while now, but recently started to dress more extreme as I’m in love with the music and subculture. I come from a very conservative household that is Catholic and I value my parents opinions of me highly. I am always getting compliments on my look when I’m out and I don’t wear any pentagrams or anything my family could object to.

I am home for some of the summer and my family was invited to an outdoor bbq, to which I was excited bc I love dressing up. I was planning to wear something without fishnets or platform shoes so I wouldn’t look so extreme, but I wanted to wear black lipstick. My mom objected to it saying I’d look like a satanist, and I’m much prettier without black lipstick. I got upset because she knows me, I may not be Catholic anymore but I am not satanic and have explained that the subculture revolves around the music. I can’t remember much bc she was trying to discuss this with me as I was just coming out of anesthesia for surgery.

I was frustrated because I am a successful college student who doesn’t party or do drugs, and I’m graduating next month with cum laude from a stem major. For graduation pictures, I compromised my look because she said it made HER uncomfortable (i.e. no black lipstick, etc.) I said if I wear black lipstick and look like myself at this party (which is what I’m most comfortable wit),, I am more than happy to educate and de-stigmatized the negative perception surrounding the goth subculture. But it doesn’t seems like enough and no matter what I do she’s unhappy.

I want to be approved by my family but I’m having a tough time because being goth and dressing gothic is what brings me happiness as it is a hobby/interest. I am thinking of giving everything up entirely though because the way my family treats me is becoming unbearable and it upsets me greatly. My mom has told me she doesn’t want my 12 year old sister to “turn out like me,” and I’m not allowed to talk about the subculture with her. From what I know my sister looks up to me and thinks I’m cool.

My mom has also told me to walk far behind her in grocery stores before because I am “embarrassing,” and she feels like “a failure as a parent.” When I bring these points up now she says “I didn’t say that!,” or “you’re remembering wrong!” She’s told me that I’m going to have a hard time finding a guy who won’t fetishize me.

I am an active member of the goth scene and I love going out to goth clubs occasionally so I can share my passion. Everyone I’ve met is so incredibly caring and nice and I love the goth community. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice? That would be very much appreciated xx🦇🖤