It’s like they only care about how you two would look as a couple, which really doesn’t matter. I’ve been running into this with both men and women. I’m a trans guy, but a lot of girls only want to be with me because they dress in pink and are very girly, and they’re like “we’d look so different and cute omg!” and the men are honestly the same.

None of these people are even into the music, they just like the aesthetic of having a partner who’s goth because it makes them look “cooler”, or something? I think it falls into the same vein of those guys who only want goth girls for fetish purposes.

I personally turn these people down, some of them are way more persistent than i like them to be though. I’m gay, but the women who like me are always SUPER persistent about it, even after i make it clear i’m not interested. I feel like many of us would like partners who are into the same music and have the same interests, (which many non-goth people would also like as well). People still tend to forget we’re real people and not like a lion in a cage for everyone to gawk at.

I do think this is pretty common, i just wanted to have a discussion about it, see if this is common with everyone else from different places.

I guess most goths concider goth and i do too. but sometimes i see people here and there claiming they are not goth. i don't realy get it even if they're not under this label they're still post-punk which is super close and i know not all post-punk is goth but they're definetly are. what funny is i heard someone say "just beacuse they had sad lyrics dosn't mean they are goth". so what actually make a band sound goth than ? they had sad/melancholic lyrics and also gothic/darkwave-ish instrumental.

This is just something I've noticed about the goth community on Instagram is the amount of hate hurled at people (mainly girls) who can't dress goth all the time/don't have an entirely black closet for being "fakers." Lots of comments will say something about how they're just looking for attention or not really goth because they don't wear trad makeup 24/7 or have a corporate job requiring them to dress more "normal" by societal standards. I just don't understand it? I feel like every goth must know that dealing with constant judgement and job constraints is difficult. Plus it's a music based subculture? It's mainly men I've noticed with this behavior. Idk it's just discouraging as someone new to the subculture (been in it about a year) because I have a very limited wardrobe due to trying to not spend too much money (I'm a broke college student) and avoid fast fashion while ALSO having a very strict religious family.

I feel like I’ve see a bunch of photos of the online and they look cool

feel like it's becoming more fashion than music. I've always had a problem with labels because everyone interprets goth in a different way, for example I never shared this hobby with my mother because I know how she will react so I keep it from me and her. Is there any sense in telling her this? No.

She won't understand what it is. When you describe a person as a goth, it automatically sounds weird to a lot of people.

And it's funny because it turned into something super dramatic. It's all about the music you listen to. So what is Goth actually? A person who likes gothic music? A person who dresses gothic? Because a lot of people like the style but they don't really know about the music and that's okay.

I feel that most people see it as a super weird and super alternative label that makes a person super weird just because they dress a certain way. For example: a few days ago I showed my aunt a shirt with a skull and she said "Until now when I saw people wearing such a shirt I thought they were super strange" as if I made her understand that it is not a big deal and it is not that strange.

I hate being told "you look goth" beyond the fact that I don't really look goth most of the time. I don't look goth I am goth because I listen to goth music.

It's hard to explain my point, and maybe it's just because of where I live, but it really annoys me.

Rant/Discussion? This doesn’t involve this community because y’all are awesome.

Holy shit, I’m not sure what happened but these kids have a weird obsession with one upping others in the alt community in general, and new age young goths online have slowly become very pretentious. It’s very weird. I was just yelled at by like 20 goth people on tiktok because I don’t wear the makeup hardly ever (I just had a baby) and I don’t dress up every day (I just had a baby) therefore I’m not goth.

I just had a baby. I just had a baby. My baby isn’t even 1 yet. I hardly leave the house. I wear PJ’s every day and the vast majority of my goth clothes don’t fit because I JUST HAD A BABY. Holy fucking god damn

I’m not sure where the attitudes started to shift, I’m sure social media is to blame to some degree.

I didn’t hand my goth card over. I had a baby. My asshole was ripped in half 8 months ago, which apparently means I’m forbidden from the scene even from the confides of my own god damn house.

Anyways-

Or menace to the system ? I personally found this dumb to judge or stereotype an entire community for what they wear. I feel like society was made for everyone to blend in and be normal and when someone goes out the script who was planned for them they are treated as pariahs. The darker part of clothing also shows a face of life that most people wanna deny, but goth people seem to embrace it to the fullest.

After all clothes often represent who you are as a person since its the first thing that strangers sees on you. But most normies think that dark style equal depression evilness and other negative feelings. Even if some goths can be in a bad place mentally. i would argue that its more about embracing the darker side in a healthy way.

To conclude, goths and other alts arent scared to show their individuality and embrace everything about the underworld in a positive and healthy manner. I wont say that im a baby bat because i have my own style but as someone who also into the dark and vamp culture goth clothes still play a toll on my style. Anyway just to say that clothes define you as a person, in a external way, but dark doesnt equal evil, most goths are the most beautiful people on the inside.

Most of what I’ve seen for music is (presumably straight) white men fronting a lot of popular goth bands which is fine but as a queer and trans woman I want to know if there’s any women/lgbtq led bands that people can recommend me.

This is wildly different than my experience in New England and I was shocked to see it tbh.