Teen Gothic

My parents have never been one to limit the media I intake, so from a very young age goth music (and adjacent music types) have been what I’ve listened to. Through this I made a lot of friends who fit under the alternative umbrella. I specifically remember the first time I ever came into contact with gothic fashion and that was when I was 12 on quotev (yes I was young but hey it was the 2010’s). I was immersed into creepypasta and Invader Zim when I met my first elder goth. Thankfully this person understood the boundaries between a youngster and them and they simply explained gothic fashion with an emphasis on demonias(haha). I felt as though they passed the torch to me, and I was bound to wait till I was old enough to start dressing that way and fit into the goth scene. I clung to a lot of gothic media, whether it was movies or music, and dressed the way my mom wanted me to. I was labeled a “good girl”, and that was what I was. Mind you, they thought I was weird and voiced out that my love for halloween movies and the weird whiney music I listened to was “hopefully just a phase”.

But then college came, and I had my own money and little to no parental supervision. I bought black clothing, black makeup, and started to feel like my clothes weren’t disgusting me. I didn’t realize how much I hated the way I dressed before until I had control over my wardrobe. I felt normal, relaxed, and okay. My parents were shocked when I told them, expected, but the shock has never worn off. They say “all this time I talked badly about Harley Quinn, your actually wanted to be her? Im horrified” (I wear all black so ofc that equates to Harley Quinn… somehow). It’s been a year and a half now and the comments continue. “Oh Elvira stop taking my beautiful daughter from me”

“I have to mourn the life I saw for you”

“You’ll never gain respect like this. We spent so long trying to not be like your fathers side of the family and you are just like them.” (My fathers side is just lower income and not the healthiest. Nothing to do with black clothing)

At the moment I’m unable to move out as I am taking a gap year from college due to mental and physical health problems. I am saving up for my own car, but until I can get one my parents have to drive me to work. I respect what they do for me, but their comments are draining. I feel like a monster living with two self-proclaimed “angels”. I wish to regain my sense of self confidence, but is the only way to ungoth myself again until I can go back to school? I just don’t want to go back to being under their shoe and doing only what pleases them. I’m almost 23 for christ sake. What should I do?