Teen Gothic

I hope I can get some insight on this <3 I'm sure many people have dealt with this feeling before.

Recently, I've been listening to goth music a lot. I like Scary Bitches and Aurat the most, I think. I love consuming content made by goths (like vlogs, art etc). I feel drawn to the aesthetics.

My issue is that I feel a little hesitant engaging with goth subculture more deeply bc I'm very very socially anxious. I want to talk to people with similar interests, but I'm afraid that I'm not knowledgeable enough on the subculture as a whole.

Going to clubs and concerts also feels very daunting. It looks very fun, but I'm like "am I allowed to be here" 😭 I like a whole host of diff genres and I know that other goth ppl do too, it's normal. But I feel like I'm specifically not allowed for some reason.

I think my question is, how should I get past these mental barriers and just enjoy the music? How do I make friends who share this interest with me without feeling like I'm an imposter?

(This is a full on rant, I'm very sorry).

Social media can be wonderful. It's a way to find new hobbies and interests, communities of like minded individuals, and events people like you can attend. It's an excellent place for baby bats to start discovering bits of goth. But…

…Maybe I'm just a salty old woman yelling at a cloud, but I feel there has to be a modicum of gate keeping or boundary setting when it comes to any subculture to differentiate it from the "mainstream". I'm not talking about rigorous policing or being mean to others, but simple things like "you cannot be goth if you don't listen to the music (in any gothic genre), or you're not interested in media like films or books". I'll not include fashion as a hard and fast rule because there are so many gothic styles, and depending on your current life situation it may not be appropriate or safe to dress in certain ways, but it'd be like claiming to be a metalhead without listening to any metal, and wearing a Metallica T shirt because you unironically think it's a brand. Saying you're goth doesn't make you goth.
Living in the age of "big titty goth g f uwu", fast fashion "goth brands" like Killstar, and the co-opting of any and all alternative subculture styles by teens on tiktok, who will do anything to stand out but at the same time know jack shit about any of it is infuriating. Yes the fashion industry slips into a 'lil goth every now and then (just means good finds in the sales lol), but it knows exactly what it's doing and it's two faced about it.

I have personally known on separate occasions two young people who have both been abhorrent, raised by the internet types who have done nothing but very literally, and incredibly embarrassingly, shout about how goth they are in public, whilst neither of them listen to, know of, or dress anything anywhere near anything goth. Mainstream Gen Z goth (what) seems to be incredibly watered down and completely fashion or fetish based in order to get attention. It's all to stand out on the net to get their account noticed, then they ditch the entire thing when they actually leave the house. (Of course this isn't everyone, and I have met some lovely young, genuine goth kids). It's especially upsetting being a woman and now being the object of fetishization AGAIN because of the Big Titty Gf thing.

You might be sat there thinking "she's saying all this, but I bet she was the same when she was younger" but the thing is, I've never, ever called myself goth, nor have I ever tried to fit in with it. I've always liked what I've liked and dressed how I wanted and it's ended up with being goth. When I talk about a band, film, book, location etc. I know what I'm talking about, it's not for show. Goth mates both older and younger than me are the same. No one goes around proclaiming to be goth in public, they just are.

Maybe it's just be being a big old salt stick, but just saying you are something doesn't make you something. I'm not "invalidating your existence" or "being a hater", if you are pretending to be goth for attention online and it's obvious to anyone who knows their stuff. Because any and all criticism is shot down, absolutely anything is goth in some circles and the problem is, when everything is goth, nothing is.

https://www.facebook.com/danielashmusic/posts/pfbid0Ccj9ed3dbJgat6bvYg6DacQGZ9JgnqRhqMUCSwi6JFcDijnXZkxU5v7vjqdz6HWkl

Screengrab for those who don't use FB:

https://imgur.com/a/5fGNily