Teen Gothic

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Damn. It’s been a hell of a year. I’m laying in bed tonight, listening to Disintegration, high as Uranus. The music, and Robert Smith’s vocals, are so good together, and have a soft feeling in the ears. It’s weird.

Goth music, and the culture, has been such a help to me as I’ve been processing and getting through some really heavy shit. A breakup with a first girlfriend who I shared a plan of marriage with, several nights drunkenly calling the Trevor project hotline as I try to process other feelings, alcoholism, financial struggles, a candid look back at a life of childhood and early adulthood trauma, etc.

For the longest time, I didn’t have the words to articulate the things I felt, and I certainly didn’t know anyone who I could really talk to. That changed when I was introduced to the classics; Sisters of Mercy, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees. I fell in love with it, and kept finding songs that described events that happened to me, or feelings I had, to the letter. I felt understood in a way I never had before. These bands have also made the only song that have ever made me cry, which is something that rarely happened until lately.

I also got to meet really interesting, awesome people going to events, and have become more comfortable expressing myself (albeit at the expense of looking GOOFY a couple of times in public with my makeup). I’ve made friends I feel safer talking to, and I think I’m starting to heal for the first time in my life. I’m not sure, but I really think so. I think I want to learn the bass now, as well.

Anyway, that’s it.