Teen Gothic

So, I got super deep into the goth subculture at 17, and I was a monster high kid in middle school so who’s rlly surprised? I’d say that was my first exposure to gothic things, back when I loved my monster high dolls at 11-13 while simultaneously dipping my toes into the world of emo and metal and something of the complete opposite, kpop 😭 but anyways at 16/17 I started listening to goth artists a lot, so I say thats when I officially started being goth. I never got to actually LOOK goth tho, even tho I wanted to. I’m currently overcoming social anxiety and body image issues and gender related issues that prevented me from dressing the way I wanted, so now that I’ve recently turned 20, I’ve decided this will be when I start expressing myself to the fullest, without a care. I don’t want a repeat of my teens. And the problem is, I have this silly little complex about being 20 and only now doing this, since I could’ve been doing it since high school. Ik its so so stupid to think that 20 is “too late” for anything but its kinda hard to ignore when ppl my age are constantly talking about how “old” they are.

I (M) have identified as goth most of my life, but I struggle with feeling like I don't belong because I don't dress like a stereotypical "goth".

Although I do wear a decent amount of black (which I LOVE), it's generally not very "alternative" style.

I don't have tattoos, and no piercings, etc. (though in my heart I do)

Many days I look and dress like a typical person. Like, most days if someone saw me they would never guess I was goth. I know lots of people who identify as goth could say the same, but still.

I DO however have dark, witchy, goth decor in my apartment, and I'm a regular at my city's local goth club (the one place I do dress in an outwardly goth style).

But I still feel like an imposter sometimes. Do others struggle with that? I know this might all sound superficial, maybe it's just in my head. Other perspectives might help me. Thanks!