Teen Gothic

This isn't a story of hate, but one of love and growth.

I am 39 years old, and first came across all things goth when I was 18. My friends and I wanted to go to our local club on a non-typical night for us. We knew it was goth night and that we probably wouldn't fit in, but we were high and bored.

I don't know what I expected, but walking in those doors…it was love at first note. I was floored. This hauntingly beautiful music exists? I needed more, I needed…everything.

Proceed with going full on goth and having some amazing times and memories with it.

Many years later, I've gotten old-ish. I don't listen to the music as much, and I certainly don't dress the part. There's just so little occasion to do so.

But I felt like I was still goth in my heart.

And then I had an awaking, a late blooming of finally accepting I am a woman of transgender experience.

With that came hormones, and many MANY mental changes. I'm not bisexual anymore, just flat lesbian. I actually like some Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift music now. I like butterflies, and pink and purple. I can be colorful and bright and cheery and I see a world full of hope and love.

However…I went through my old music. All the goth music I have collected over my life. And it just doesn't hit me any more. That urge to dance is gone. I know the music is still beautiful, but I can't feel it anymore. The impact is no more.

I knew changes would come with the hormones and lifestyle alterations, but this is a sad one.

I've tried, again and again, to feel that depth to the music that I once felt. But almost none of the songs touch my heart anymore. Maybe a couple, but not enough that I feel like even if I were young again that I could step into a club and find the peace I once did.

So, it with a heavy heart that I feel it's time to say goodbye. Not out of hatred or disgust, but out of love for the times we shared. You helped me in my darkest times, but now I walk a different path.

I could have just unsubbed from here and moved on, but…it felt wrong. I'm not just unsubbing, or leaving the music and scene behind. I'm writing a love letter…and a break-up letter.

Thank you for being one of the best things in my life.

Goodbye. I hope someone else finds you as beautiful as I once did.

Hey, hey there! I got back into some of the music I used to listen to when I was younger and was wondering if anyone had music recommendations in Spanish or knows any bands from Mexico. I've been listening to Vacios Cuerpos and some of Climas Interiores lately and just enjoying some tunes. 😀

Thanks a bunch!